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1 - A friend is someone who knows all about you...and likes you anyway.
2 - Age is a matter of mind; if you don't mind it doesn't matter.
3 - An immaculate home reflects a wasted life.
4 - I, being of sound mind spent all my money whilst I was alive.
5 - I keep trying to lose weight; unfortunately it keeps finding me.
6 - I may grow older but I'll never grow up.
7 - It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
8 - It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice.
9 - Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most.
10 - The best man for the job is a woman.
11 - There are no mistakes, only lessons.
12 - Those who can, do: those who can't, teach.
13 - A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.
14 - A person who never makes a mistake, never makes anything.
15 - A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
16 - God must have loved calories - He made so many of them.
17 - I'm very well balanced; I have a chip on both shoulders.
18 - Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
19 - In the cookie of life, friends are the chocolate chips.
20 - Marriages are made in heaven, but then so is thunder and lightning.
21 - Men are like wine, some turn to vinegar, but most improve with age.
22 - Money used to talk; now it just goes without saying.
23 - When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
24 - Wrinkles show where the smiles have been.
25 - Advice is what we ask for, when we know the answer, but wish we didn't.
26 - Age is not important unless you are vintage wine or cheese.
27 - Ask a teenager now, while they still have all the answers.
28 - Experience is what you get, when you don't get what you want.
29 - If you want something done, ask a busy person.
30 - I have simple tastes, I only like the best.
31 - Never economise on luxuries.
32 - Nobody's perfect! (with an upside down owl)
33 - The most worrying aspect of middle age, is that you'll grow out of it.
34 - Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
35 - Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
36 - When all is said and done, more is said than done.
37 - Alcohol is the answer, but I can't remember the question.
38 - Forget the housework...I'm busy being creative.
39 - Friends are the best collectables.
40 - Home is where you can say what you like...nobody takes any notice of you anyway.
41 - If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
42 - If things get better with age, then I'm approaching 'magnificent'.
43 - If you do something when you would otherwise be doing nothing, it takes no time at all.
44 - I try to take one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked me all at once.
45 - Learn from the mistakes of others...you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
46 - Never return a kindness - pass it on.
47 - Square meals make round bodies.
48 - The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents; the second by our children.
49 - Behind every creative person are cupboards filled with good ideas.
50 - Be sure the brain is in gear before engaging the mouth.
51 - How to make a small fortune. Start with a large fortune, then take up lacemaking.
52 - If I'd known grandchildren were so much fun, I'd have had them first.
53 - It's been 'one of those days' all week.
54 - I want an hourglass figure, but time is running out.
55 - My aim in life is to live off last month's money, not next month's.
56 - Success is a matter of luck - ask any failure.
57 - The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.
58 - The modern convenience that can do the work of three men is called a woman.
59 - Treat age like the lottery, choose your number and stick to it.
60 - Weekends are like rainbows - get up close and they disappear.
61 - Creative mess is better than tidy idleness.
62 - I gave up health foods... at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
63 - Life is too short to knit a sweater you don't like.
64 - The easiest thing to grow in the garden... is tired.
65 - When you're too busy for friends, you're too busy.
66 - Women who seek equality with men lack ambition.
67 - A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
68 - Creative people never grow old... they just get more bazaar.
69 - Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
70 - I have a photographic memory, but occasionally I leave the lens cap on.
71 - Little girls grow up; being a little boy is a job for life.
72 - Most men who go through life with an enquiring mind, don't appreciate her.
73 - Crime doesn't pay, neither does housework.
74 - Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
75 - If love is blind, marriage can certainly be an eye-opener.
76 - I'm not overweight, I'm just under height.
77 - I was cut out to be rich, but I was sewn up wrong.
78 - Sometimes I wake up grumpy... sometimes I let him sleep.
79 - Beautiful young people are works of nature; beautiful old people are works of art.
80 - Chocolate, coffee, men... some things are just better rich.
81 - I have champagne tastes, with a beer budget.
82 - It's hard to feel as fit as a fiddle when you're shaped like a 'cello.
83 - Only dirty people spring clean.
84 - The computer is a great invention; there are just as many mistakes but they are nobody's fault.
85 - Get your own back; live long enough to be a nuisance to your children.
86 - I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully the first time.
87 - I must be improving - I make better mistakes than I used to.
88 - Keep the kitchen clean... eat out.
89 - The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
90 - Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
91 - A hug is universal... one size fits all.
92 - I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
93 - Laughter is good for you - it's like jogging on the inside.
94 - Mummy won't, Daddy might, but Grandma will.
95 - Seconds count, especially when you're dieting.
96 - When I met 'Mr Right', I didn't know his first name was Always.
97 - A last minute job never last a minute.
98 - Few women admit their age... few men act their's.
99 - Forget love ... I want to fall in chocolate.
100 - If we are what we eat, avoid nuts.
101 - Mothers of little boys work from son up to son down.
102 - When my ship comes in, I'll probably be at the airport.
103 - Beware! The light at the end of the tunnel may be the headlight of an oncoming train.
104 - Children get colds, men get flu, women get on with it.
105 - Friends are like fancy chocolates, it's what's inside that's special.
106 - I don't ski, I'm going downhill fast enough already.
107 - Only Robinson Crusoe could get everything done by Friday.
108 - Retirement - twice the husband on half the money.
109 - A balanced diet is a chocolate in each hand.
110 - Everyone is good for something, even if it is as a bad example.
111 - My children drive me up the wall, but I drive them everywhere else.
112 - Real women don't have hot flushes - they have power surges.
113 - We all have tummies like ironing boards, but some of us have bigger piles of ironing.
114 - When I said 'I do', I didn't mean everything.
115 - A diet is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
116 - If you look like your passport photo you probably need the trip.
117 - I miss my husband, but my aim is getting better.
118 - My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
119 - My mind works like lightning; one brilliant flash and it's gone.
120 - Young at heart, old everywhere else.
NEW for Autumn 2007
121 - Diets are just wishful shrinking.
122 - Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.
123 - I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
124 - If your feet smell and your nose runs, you could be upside down.
125 - Organised people are just too lazy to look for things.
126 - Trust your husband's judgement - just look who he married.
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